Archive for the ‘parkinson’s’ Category

I feel myself floating in a brilliance that cannot be explained

My gaze beholding a beauty before me that outshines all things that I dare approach

A veil that is woven in purest gold, with strands of royal purple intertwined

Telling the story of time that is not mine to understand

A low roar comes to my ears as I watch the veil tremble from top to bottom

The roar becomes a deafening sound of tearing…I see it part in two and try to run as the destruction grows before me

Beyond the tear the appearance of darkness begins to move into the light

But I am wrong…the darkness has not moved

Rather the light is being pulled into the ever-widening abyss

Where I am standing slowly begins to dim as I see the light in a liquid form being dragged into a darkness that leers at me with unquenchable hunger

My body, no longer my own, is giving way to a blackness that offers no hope

Being pulled apart in pieces, screaming to overcome the sneer of victory from the consuming darkness

My reason, the last to go, as all light fades from me

Leaving no trace of my existence…only a lingering despair that once was my life.

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I’ve been in the hospital for 14 days now. It has been a bag of mixed tricks up to this point.

I got some good news this morning. They are going to leave me on the antibiotics until Monday and do the surgery on Monday. So I will not have to go home and come back. That is great news to me. Going home sounds wonderful but coming back again for the surgery did not. At least now I am settled in.

The procedure itself should be pretty minor and fast. A camera is inserted into my penis and run up to my bladder. They will then use a laser to break up the stone and suction the pieces out. The journey then continues up into my left kidney. They will “pulverize” the 7 stones there and suction out the pieces. A stent will be put in for two weeks making sure everything is clear.

When I get home Palliative Home care will be working with me reduce pain an get my life back to normal! 😁

After that, my life can hopefully get back to normal!

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I have been transferred to the VA Hospital in W. Roxbury, MA. One of the odd things is that I am right back in the Ward I started out in 20 years ago. Strange being here. Made the full circle I guess. Several things going on. UTI, Sepsis, prostate cancer, kidney stones and bladder stones. Looks like they are saying next phase is surgery to get rid of the stones. The are “probably ” harboring the Super Bug! 🐜 I’m still very tired but hanging in there. I just do what I’m told. Will update here when I can.

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sunshine_through_cloudsI thought I would use the title of my blog to do a little preaching at myself. Though I must admit that wallowing in sorrow at times is much easier. 

I do not need to reiterate how difficult the past three months have been for me. At times it has felt like I was at the bottom of a very deep, dry well; and the only help I got was someone threw me a shovel. That sounds rather dramatic, but there it is. 

As I am writing this, I am in my bedroom with the door closed and the lights off. That in and of itself is nothing rare. But what is rare is that in the living room of our home I am hearing gales of laughter and giggles from a bridal shower. One of my nieces is getting married next week and my daughter, as her maid of honor, is throwing her a shower.  

Laughter, fun, refreshments, hugs, gifts, etc. Everything that stand in stark contrast to how I have felt all summer is just a few yards away from me. Is that wrong? Of course not. Is it wrong that I just now answered a call from a good friend with news that he is getting married? Of course not! I am very happy for all of them.  

Yes life has sorrow and tears, but life also has so much love and happiness. Always look for the silver lining in whatever storm you may find yourself in. So taking another dose of my own medicine….life does go on.  

James 1:2-3 Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. 

So the trials of life will seem very burdensome at times and attempt to squelch our joy. But through it all, we can take comfort that the ultimate joy of Jesus Christ in our lives will produce an unshakeable faith. 

Something that my parents would have, and did tell me over the years. I must always continue to remember and live out the biblical truths that have been passed down to me.

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MomA Time for Everything

I was not going to write anything about today, July 7, 2015, but the longer I laid in bed this evening, my mind kept going to my blog.

My mother passed away this morning at approximately 3:00 AM. She had been battling Parkinson’s now for about three years. The last year had been incredibly difficult on mom and the rest of the family, especially dad. My dad is 82 years old, has dementia along with other physical ailments, and yet faithfully provided 24/7 care for mom at home until May of this year.

Mom suffered from the numerous symptoms of Parkinson’s, and in May we had to bring her to a Gero/Psychiatry Ward where she could receive the care that she then required. After three weeks there, we were told that mom was in the end stages of Parkinson’s and we needed to put mom on Hospice, or Comfort Care as it is now call. A little over a month later brings us to today.

The past four days have been difficult as mom lay in bed in a coma state, no longer to eat or take fluids. I have been through many emotions since Saturday, more today, and more yet to come with the funeral ahead.

All of the family has been very attentive to dad. I have been sitting with him a lot, giving me a chance to observe him. Both of us have shed tears, talked, and had a few chuckles remembering funny things. What we have also down a lot of is just sit and be quiet. Dad has always been a strong man with a big heart. I can see how much he is hurting, but I also know there is nothing I can do to take away his hurt. He and mom had been married for 55 years. Mom was the love of his life, and losing her has taken a part of him away.

These would indeed be very dark days without hope. There are three Bible passages that come to mind that I have shared with mom on several occasions over the past three years.

The first one is 1 Peter 1:3 which says “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.” Jesus Christ is our hope and mom had her hope placed squarely on the promises of God.

The second one is 1 Corinthians 15:23 which tells us “For as in Adam all die, so also in Christ all will be made alive. But each in his own order: Christ the first fruits, after that those who are Christ’s at His coming.” Mom will have a glorified body without sin, pain, Parkinson’s, anxiety, worry and the list goes on. Summed up in one wonderful word, perfection.

The last passage is taken from Ecclesiastes 3.

A Time for Everything

1For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

2a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; 3a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

I think that I have experienced most, if not all, of these in my life. I know mom did as well. A time to die may seem very final to some. In our case, with the blessed hope of Jesus Christ, I know that death is only the door that we all must walk through to go from this life to the next. I have no doubt that mom is now with her Savior, and someday I will be with her once again where death will no longer be able to separate us.

Right now, I am in the time to mourn. But I know the time to dance is coming.

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