Posts Tagged ‘Depression’

March 20, 2017 marked a day of loss for a very good friend of ours. Her mother passed away. Less than two years ago, I lost both of my parents and so I understand how she is feeling at this moment.

We knew her mother and she was a wonderful Christian lady. There is no doubt in my mind that she is now absent from her body and present with her Lord. I know that the family is as assured of this fact as I am, but it does not take away the sorrow and loss that is being felt right now.

Sorrow and loss are feelings that we all must face because our original perfection was destroyed by our open rebellion against God. Yet God, in His mercy, chose not to leave us in our sinful state, but in His Sovereign Will, would one day restore that perfection.

Until all of creation is renewed, we will be very well acquainted with shedding tears. There is nothing wrong with expressing sorrow over lost loved ones. Jesus himself wept in the Scriptures. There are two recorded instances of Jesus crying. Once over the loss of a dear friend and the second over His beloved Jerusalem. However, Isaiah 53:3 tells us that the suffering Messiah would be “a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.”

Throughout the life of Christ, I believe that he saw tremendous amounts of sorrow and grief. I also believe that because of His love for us, he shed many silent tears.

We are told that time heals all things. As nice as that sounds, I do not believe that. Death is our enemy. We were created to live, not to die. I’m not even sure that time lessens our sorrow and grief over the loss of a loved one. I think it is more accurate to say that we become adjusted to live with the loss. Regardless of the years that will pass, one rogue memory brings everything back, and that feeling of loss will still be there.

First Thessalonians 4:13 is the light at the end of the very dark tunnel of sorrow. That light is hope. So yes, even as Christians we will experience sorrow and grief. Our consolation in this is that we know a day is coming where our hope will be fulfilled in the saving grace of Jesus Christ.

One of my favorite verses in Scripture is Revelation 21:4 which states “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

For now, my family grieves for our friend and her family for their loss. I pray that in the days to come, she will cling close to our Savior and be assured that one day soon, the sorrow will be gone and our age old enemy, death, will be swallowed up in Victory.


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I was watching some news for a bit. I felt like being nauseous, and the news is usually the best way for me to accomplish that.

The last thing I looked at was the story of the disabled man being tied up and beaten in Chicago. One news reporter mentioned that if this case is “raised” to the level of a hate crime, the four attackers could face up to 30 years in prison. Most of you have probably seen the news report but here is a link to what happened.

Chicago beating

As I watched the video, and read the report, I wondered something about hate crimes. Is not “hate” the motivator behind all crimes? People love to jump on the “No Hate” band wagon for their favored group. But is one group any more important then another? Politicians fight and babble over gun control. We can take the gun out of someone’s hand, but until the hate is taken out of the man’s heart, there will be no change. If not a gun, then some other weapon.

So we as society have decided how much hate constitutes a hate crime. And what if I disagree with the measuring rod? Does that make me a hater? Am I as guilty as the attackers in the video if I don’t agree with someone?

You are by now thinking this post ridiculous. Maybe it is. Just seems to me that it is just fine for me to hate, as long as I hate the same things you do. Just don’t let my hate leave the boundaries set by society.

But wait…what if we lived in a world with no hate, no violence, no crime, etc. Oh wait, that would be called heaven. I’m not there yet, but watching the news often makes me wish I was.


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It has been so long since I have logged into my own blog that I could not remember the password. That may be good for the two of you that read this, but I’m not sure yet.

Do I have a good reason for dropping out of life? Or perhaps I should ask is there ever a good reason for dropping out of life. I wish I had a good answer to that question without relying on some old and pat cliché.

The past two years have not been good. Starting with the death of my mom on July 7, 2015, a very good friend on July 18, 2015, my father-in-law on September 5, 2015, my dad on October 9, 2015 and the list continues on like that for two years.

Of course many have told me that I am depressed or wallowing in the depths of despair and need to seek out “professional” help. I do not feel depressed and I am not wallowing anywhere (outside of the occasional times I get my wheelchair stuck in the mud).

What I do feel is reflection. Even now I have a very good friend in New Zealand, from playing on line games, who is only 35 years old, laying in a hospital bed, and feels like giving up. I also have another very good friend in NYC that is scheduled for back surgery on Tuesday for spinal stenosis. So this new year is not looking much brighter then the last two years.

It is very easy to ask why…but we all know why. What I ask is “Have I done enough?” Have I been there when people need me? Have I offered a smile, held their hand, laughed with them, cried with them. Could I have done more? These are the questions that cause me to reflect as I go into 2017.

My only New Year’s resolution is that I want to be a better person for people when they need me most.

In my book, regret is a much worse feeling then depression.

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I hurt. I’m tired. I’m disgusted, and no I do NOT want to do 5 more reps! I felt those feelings so many times during the first 6 months after my injury. The therapists also heard me express my feelings on numerous occasions.

I hated therapy. When I was in the hospital, I just wanted to be left alone. Six days a week I had physical therapy twice a day, occupational therapy once a day and swimming for an hour each day. “What’s the point?” I thought. I’m never going to walk again. I’m never going to feel again. Just put me in my wheelchair and leave me alone.

Slowly…very slowly in my case…I started to understand the benefits and necessity of therapy. If I wanted to regain any form of independence in my life, therapy was the key to that happening. My arms now had to serve as my legs. Transferring into and out of my wheelchair, pushing my wheelchair or just getting a glass of water from the fridge to the table had to be learned.

So I listened and started to push myself. I did the free weights, the cable pulls and the stationary bike. I learned how to transfer my body from my wheelchair to another chair, or the car. I learned how to drive using hand controls. I had to learn how to balance sitting up. I would transfer to a mat, the therapist would hold me in place and then let go, and over I would go. I would hear, “Try again!” And again, and again, etc. I had to learn how to cook for myself, clean up my own messes in the kitchen, take a shower, go to the bathroom and the list goes on.

As the weeks went on, I also realized many other benefits from therapy. I have chronic back pain. Therapy helps keep my muscles flexible which helps some with the pain. Some people in wheelchairs, like me, also gain weight more easily. Working out and exercise helps keep the weight off. Therapy/working out is also a great way to fight off depression. And the cardiovascular activity became a huge must to prevent artery or heart problems since I was now forced to live a more sedentary life.

Fifteen years later I still work out on my own. Wendy and I belong to a gym and we work out together. We use the track, free weights, cables and even the nautilus equipment now. As I get older, working out is crucial to maintain my independence. I must admit that Wendy does spoil me rotten. She takes care of the inside of the home, prepares meals and, more often than not, cleans up messes that I make. But I do many small projects around our home, inside and out, that I would not have been able to do if I had quit trying in the beginning.

Therapy is such a critical element in recovery from an injury. Listen to what Kevin Mather has to say about therapy.


So keep exercising! Keep pushing yourself! And never give up!


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