Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

March 20, 2017 marked a day of loss for a very good friend of ours. Her mother passed away. Less than two years ago, I lost both of my parents and so I understand how she is feeling at this moment.

We knew her mother and she was a wonderful Christian lady. There is no doubt in my mind that she is now absent from her body and present with her Lord. I know that the family is as assured of this fact as I am, but it does not take away the sorrow and loss that is being felt right now.

Sorrow and loss are feelings that we all must face because our original perfection was destroyed by our open rebellion against God. Yet God, in His mercy, chose not to leave us in our sinful state, but in His Sovereign Will, would one day restore that perfection.

Until all of creation is renewed, we will be very well acquainted with shedding tears. There is nothing wrong with expressing sorrow over lost loved ones. Jesus himself wept in the Scriptures. There are two recorded instances of Jesus crying. Once over the loss of a dear friend and the second over His beloved Jerusalem. However, Isaiah 53:3 tells us that the suffering Messiah would be “a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.”

Throughout the life of Christ, I believe that he saw tremendous amounts of sorrow and grief. I also believe that because of His love for us, he shed many silent tears.

We are told that time heals all things. As nice as that sounds, I do not believe that. Death is our enemy. We were created to live, not to die. I’m not even sure that time lessens our sorrow and grief over the loss of a loved one. I think it is more accurate to say that we become adjusted to live with the loss. Regardless of the years that will pass, one rogue memory brings everything back, and that feeling of loss will still be there.

First Thessalonians 4:13 is the light at the end of the very dark tunnel of sorrow. That light is hope. So yes, even as Christians we will experience sorrow and grief. Our consolation in this is that we know a day is coming where our hope will be fulfilled in the saving grace of Jesus Christ.

One of my favorite verses in Scripture is Revelation 21:4 which states “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

For now, my family grieves for our friend and her family for their loss. I pray that in the days to come, she will cling close to our Savior and be assured that one day soon, the sorrow will be gone and our age old enemy, death, will be swallowed up in Victory.


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I put together a little video about my latest skiing adventure. I hope you get as much chuckle from watching it as I did making it!


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I just got home late last night from a week of skiing with NEHSA (New England Healing Sports Association).

This was the first sports clinic that I have been too and I now realize how much fun I have missed for the past 20 years.

This particular clinic was held at Mount Sunapee, New Hampshire. I cannot say enough good about the organization, the location and the Veteran’s Administration for putting on such an event.

The skiing was SO much fun! But the bonus for me was meeting so many great participants and volunteers to make the week a huge success.

A special thanks to my ski instructors, Mark and Kevin! They were phenomenal to work with and get to know. And to Ken who joined in with our group and let us use his Go-Pro to capture one of my “finest” moments! lol

The plaque on the trophy that I was awarded says it all! And here is a link to a video to show my comedic moment. Skiing 




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I was watching some news for a bit. I felt like being nauseous, and the news is usually the best way for me to accomplish that.

The last thing I looked at was the story of the disabled man being tied up and beaten in Chicago. One news reporter mentioned that if this case is “raised” to the level of a hate crime, the four attackers could face up to 30 years in prison. Most of you have probably seen the news report but here is a link to what happened.

Chicago beating

As I watched the video, and read the report, I wondered something about hate crimes. Is not “hate” the motivator behind all crimes? People love to jump on the “No Hate” band wagon for their favored group. But is one group any more important then another? Politicians fight and babble over gun control. We can take the gun out of someone’s hand, but until the hate is taken out of the man’s heart, there will be no change. If not a gun, then some other weapon.

So we as society have decided how much hate constitutes a hate crime. And what if I disagree with the measuring rod? Does that make me a hater? Am I as guilty as the attackers in the video if I don’t agree with someone?

You are by now thinking this post ridiculous. Maybe it is. Just seems to me that it is just fine for me to hate, as long as I hate the same things you do. Just don’t let my hate leave the boundaries set by society.

But wait…what if we lived in a world with no hate, no violence, no crime, etc. Oh wait, that would be called heaven. I’m not there yet, but watching the news often makes me wish I was.


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It has been so long since I have logged into my own blog that I could not remember the password. That may be good for the two of you that read this, but I’m not sure yet.

Do I have a good reason for dropping out of life? Or perhaps I should ask is there ever a good reason for dropping out of life. I wish I had a good answer to that question without relying on some old and pat cliché.

The past two years have not been good. Starting with the death of my mom on July 7, 2015, a very good friend on July 18, 2015, my father-in-law on September 5, 2015, my dad on October 9, 2015 and the list continues on like that for two years.

Of course many have told me that I am depressed or wallowing in the depths of despair and need to seek out “professional” help. I do not feel depressed and I am not wallowing anywhere (outside of the occasional times I get my wheelchair stuck in the mud).

What I do feel is reflection. Even now I have a very good friend in New Zealand, from playing on line games, who is only 35 years old, laying in a hospital bed, and feels like giving up. I also have another very good friend in NYC that is scheduled for back surgery on Tuesday for spinal stenosis. So this new year is not looking much brighter then the last two years.

It is very easy to ask why…but we all know why. What I ask is “Have I done enough?” Have I been there when people need me? Have I offered a smile, held their hand, laughed with them, cried with them. Could I have done more? These are the questions that cause me to reflect as I go into 2017.

My only New Year’s resolution is that I want to be a better person for people when they need me most.

In my book, regret is a much worse feeling then depression.

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It is strange how the things that matter most in life, we tend to put the least amount of effort into. The importance of family is something that Icannot express enough. Yet for some reason we all find excuses to put our families last. I even made my excuses sound noble in nature. “Well of course I have to work 14 hour days, I’m providing a good home for my family.” For those of you who may remember the TV show “Gilligan’s Island,” Mrs. Thurston Howell III once said, “Anyone who says that money cannot buy happiness just does not know where to shop.” We may smile at that idea, but have we bought into it? Do we really need three cars, new laptops, the latest iPhones, the big screen tv’s, etc.? Or have all of us replaced family with things?

After my injury, my family rallied around me with love and support. Much of that love and support I did not deserve. I talk about this quite a bit in my book, Better to Be Broken, but let me expand on it a little more here. We were told at the time of my injury that 70% of all marriages which experience a traumatic injury will end in divorce. That was a pretty staggering statistic 15 years ago and it may very well be higher today. But why such a high percentage? Let me go out on a limb here and offer an opinion–hedonism.

People can be hedonistic about many things and desires in life. We are so wrapped up in “what I want and what will make me happy,” that when something bad happens to us, or around us, we just pack up our toys and move on to the next playground. As a counselor I hear many excuses for the way people act. And much of it is just that, excuses. We love to play the “he said, she said” game as a means of justifying our motives and actions.

I was talking with someone about a month ago concerning their choice of direction for their life. I listened to all of the reasons given to support their decisions and how they had no choice in what they were doing because, “That is the way I feel.” While talking, the phrase “I feel,” was repeated many times. Feeling something is nice, but don’t toss out thinking and logic in order to live a self-centered life. What if Wendy, my wife, had allowed only her feelings and emotions to run her decisions at the time of my injury? Odds are we would have become part of that divorce statistic. I had disappointed her as a husband, let our children down and was living a life that “was all about me.”

And while lying in my hospital bed, I realized what a selfish person I had become. I wanted everything my way and was running on what made me feel good rather than focusing on what was truly best for my family. I was fortunate that Wendy loved me enough to offer me a second chance that many do not get.

Recovery from any tragedy is difficult enough, and your family plays a critical role in that recovery. So maybe you have some fences to mend, apologies to make or just need to reset your priorities. Take a step back, stop focusing on yourself, and check the temperature of your family relationships. Do you see room for improvement? Then make some changes in your life and start putting your family first today.


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